Swearing in a review is unprofessional and usually constitutes the reviewer being subjective and unbalanced. However, this film is fucking dog shit. In fact, it’s so shit I’m even going to be as shoddy and discard what I know about writing reviews. So yes, I am going to use ‘I’ a lot and I am going to be highly subjective because rather than a review, I feel this needs to be a little more personal as frankly, I’m a little bit offended/enraged by what I have seen.
Bruce Willis aka John McClane (aka formally an original and compelling character) is tasked with going to Moscow to find his son or something like that. Unbelievably, ol’ Bruce does this extremely quickly bearing in mind his son is a spy. It gets better, as the writers try leading you into believing that his son is a good and capable agent, despite having just being tracked down by an old man who looks like he’s escaped from a retirement home. Not only is the narrative of the film unbearably stupid, it’s executed with such ignorance it becomes tiresome within the first half hour. Naturally then, I couldn’t give less of a flying fuck about the characters if I tried. Hint: if your film is about two people attempting to put their past behind them and build a relationship, then at least make sure the people watching the film care, even just smidgeon, about them. The catch phrases are among the most annoying ever concocted. This, when added to the visual element of Willis stumbling over, around and through things, makes for a very irritable viewing experience.
Die Hard is essentially an action film. There is nothing wrong with action cinema, I like it, it’s great. Recent films such as Dredd, The Raid and Taken (no, not Taken 2) are fine examples of how daft action films can be enjoyable whilst at the same time maintaining an air of artistic integrity. Die Hard attempts no such feat. The producers clearly think so little of its audience that every bit of dialogue between the two main characters is clogged with sentimental nonsense in a vain attempt to garner a little bit of meaning. It’s incredibly frustrating to see such a once acclaimed franchise lose its grip on the key components that made it successful. McClane as a character is now a moronic macho oaf, a shade of the witty ‘everyday hero’ kind of person that made at least the first two films of the series enjoyable. As well as this dumbing down of character, the film has been cut (by the distributors, not the BBFC) in order to obtain a 12A certificate. Financially, I’m sure everyone involved in production will reap the rewards, but this is a horrific example of the way the industry is going. The notion of going to a cinema to watch an anticipated release, in the hope of getting the best possible theatrical experience, is being diluted so that the fat cats can fill their pockets. Again, utter disrespect toward those paying for the film.
The stupidity exhibited in this film is inexcusable and I can only sympathise with those who watch it. I have simply ran out of words to describe how appalling it is and, well, yeah, I’ve ran out of words. Utterly, utterly shit in every sense of the word. I cannot advise against it enough.