Ender's Game – Trailer

‘Han Solo trains Neo to destroy the Decepticons’ is how we’re reading into this. 

Last week saw the first glimpses of upcoming Sci-Fi blockbuster Ender’s Game being released unto the Youtube-ing public.

The film features heavyweight names such as Harrison ‘punch it Chewie’ Ford and Sir Ben Kingsley and revolves around a young boy who is chosen to become ‘The One’ who will save the world from the incoming invasion of a mysterious alien race. Cue a few scenes of him growing and learning before being led to an epic final battle.

This literary-to-film adaptation has got science fiction bookworms hot under the collar, as the trailer has totted a cool 4 million views already since its debut on May 7th. Despite this, my midi-chlorians are still telling me to ‘piss on the bonfire’ on this one and to set phasers for disappointment and here is four valid reasons why:

1. Although I have been a sci-fi fan since being graced with a VHS of Men In Black and the original Star Wars trilogy on LaserDisc (ask your parents, to ask their geeky friend), I’m growing really tired of ‘barren space worlds’. Nobody would have been interested in The Matrix if everything took place on the Nebuchadnezzar, yet still there seems to be endless conveyor belt of science fiction films dealing with work relations on spaceships in an otherwise empty and desolate land. Ender’s Game seems to be of that ilk, which already has me switching off behind the eyes.

2. Before the release of the official trailer, there was the ‘trailer announcement’, which was basically to get your attention for the trailer itself…sigh. There are bigger issues here than over-marketing though. The main issue being that Harrison Ford could not look any more unenthused without having turned up to film it with a booze stained vest on, still half cut from a morning Special Brew. Ford mechanically spiels his way through the promotional material and manages to make the words ‘google’ and ‘youtube’ sound completely made up, as if he had just dreamt them up a second before saying them. Perhaps Harrison’s mind was elsewhere in a galaxy far far away with JJ Abrams or maybe he remembered that he had left the iron within seconds of the camera rolling.

3. Director Gavin Hood’s last big screen outing and only notable film to date is the much maligned ‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’ which not only managed to disappoint the Marvel fanboys but also failed to really please the average cinema-going proletariat either. Who better then to hand over a book-to-film adaptation than a man who has already hit the ground running and then continued to bury himself in that ground?

4. Ben Kingsley is a space-Maori and that’s just something you’re going to have to deal with.

All-Blacks number eight: Sir Ben Kingsley.

If you are still exciting for Ender’s Game, then it is scheduled for release on 1st November 2013 and will no doubt rake in millions of dollars, whereas my cynical disposition will probably earn me nothing.

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